We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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