new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
