The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
