I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
