Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
