It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
