Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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