I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
