Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
