I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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