Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize