If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I understand Curling. That high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
