I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
