I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
