Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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