his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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