they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize