i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
