i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
