My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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