You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
