toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize