My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
