I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
