john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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