Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
