I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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