What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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