Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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