woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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