She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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