Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
