Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
