I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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