i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
