he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So much rum. So many feels.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
