remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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