Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
