Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
