I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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