I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
