it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
