Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
