I just cut my nipple shaving
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
