i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
