i was born a porn star she said
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
