What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
