you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
