Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
