im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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