there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize