weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
