turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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