he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
