I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
