Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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