Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
