yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
