quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
