sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
