Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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