I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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