Can Purell be used as lube?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize