we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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