So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
