i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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