if only i could text you this smell
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
handjob tips. give me some.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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