My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
