found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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