D3 body, D1 cock
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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