I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
