Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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