How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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