I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
