So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
