Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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