Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
