I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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