I wish I only lived at night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
