Cold hands, warm shart.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
