I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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